MR. C: Hoyyy! Self-destructive na naman ang drama mo! Can you not get over with it?
AKO: Napapagod na ako. And why, for heaven's sake, will I be attracted to her?
MR. C: Sino? Yung nakasalubong mo kanina? Akala ko ba si Fil-Japanese ang gusto mo?
AKO: Eh...ewan ko...
MR. C: What's wrong with liking her anyway?
AKO: Tama na...Hay...Ayoko nang maulit yung nangyari dati. Saka pagod na ako. Naka-quota na ako sa mga babaeng natulungan ko at napasaya ko sa mga panahong kailangan nila ng taong magpapasaya sa kanila.
MR. C: You remember your past love with her, tama ba? Kaya naiinis ka sa sarili mo kasi kahit na anong pigil mong hindi mapalapit sa kanya, there's an invisible bond and an unceasing urge to get to know her. Admit it or not, when you see those pair of eyes, what you only wanted to do is to stare it and make your message known through your eyes. You wanted her to see that she's not alone, that life is meant to be enjoyed, that life is not broken. YOU'RE STILL YOU. Still the same man that I've known before, and yet MORE AFRAID.
AKO: You cannot give what you do not have, right? I'm broken, or think I am, and when you're broken, why help others heal their broken heart?
MR. C: You know the answer right? Lonely people know the feeling of being hurt, that's why they're more compassionate that the rest of the world. That's the optimistic view of being lonely, or at one point, suffered the devastating effect of loneliness.
AKO: Yeah. Pero AYOKO na talaga. Enough is enough. Ayoko nang maging knight-in-shining-armor ng mga babaeng sawi. At ayoko nang magpasaya ng mga babaeng sa tingin ko ay nangangailangan ng konting liwanag sa buhay nila.
MR. C: So you'll self-destruct again? Hindi ka naman kakausap ng mga babae? Hindi ka na naman mamamansin? And then, at the end of the day, what do you feel? Do you feel happy? The answer is definitely NO. Don't deny it, you also feel happy when you help any one of them, or when you help people in need, or when you see them smile even because of your corny jokes or pickup lines.
AKO: 'Yun na nga eh. You know what's wrong with the world? You help someone whose broken, and when they're healed, they won't remember you. How fuck up is that? You see, I usually tell them beforehand not to misinterpret my gestures as one whose "into" them, na it's just the way I am. I offered my friendship to them but they misinterpret it as more than that. And then, they tend to avoid me. What's wrong with them?
MR. C: Are they the only ones that avoid?
AKO: I admit I'm guilty also. But not all the times.
MR. C: They're broken. They just don't want to fall to someone who looks at them as "just friends."
AKO: They don't even realize how lucky they are if I consider them as friends. You know what happened in the past, right? I've learned my lesson, so I'm taking things slowly. Step-by-step. Being in a relationship is a step-by-step process.
MR. C: So, you'll suppress your feelings for her?
AKO: Who?
MR. C: The doctor.
AKO: Which one? The one who asked my techs about me or the other one?
MR. C: The other one.
AKO: Yeah. Why? First, she's a doctor. She's much older than me for years, or maybe even a decade. Second, I don't want to be a savior anymore. It'll pass, I know. Next semester, I wouldn't see her again. That way, I can get rid of what I'm feeling. It's just my being compassionate that is urging me to be close with her, but no, I won't do it.
MR. C: Have you see how she stared at you? When the door opens and suddenly she passes by, and then stares at you while you trudge towards the door?
AKO: That's just my assuming side. And, by the way, she's looking at the back of me.
MR. C: Do you think she feels that invisible bond?
AKO: Honestly, I think so. But enough is enough. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
MR. C: Remember Brian Tracy? He said that one should try variety of things, because in trying, he may come across that one thing that will make all the difference. It's the same with love. How can you love someone when you're afraid to fall?
AKO: I'm not afraid to fall. I just don't want history repeat itself. I don't want to invest my emotions and then reallize in the end that it's just born out of pity.
MR. C: What if she's THE ONE?
AKO: What? I don't think so.
MR. C: Why not?
AKO: Because I don't want to think.
MR. C: Alright. You're still stubborn. No, more stubborn than before. Give yourself a chance, man! Don't enclose your heart inside a locked box. You don't even realize there are some out there waiting for you to love them back. I know you have your reasons right now, and I respect that, but, after you land a job, promise me one thing.
AKO: What?
MR. C: Don't suppress your emotions.
AKO: I promise.
©scientist128
www.nonsenseblogentries.blogspot.com
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