ULTRASOUND TECHNOLOGIST: Ikaw, anong plano mo pagkatapos mong maka-graduate?
AKO: Teka lang, Maam, iniisip ko pa kung ano ang mangyayari sa'kin.
ULTRASOUND TECHNOLOGIST: Talaga?
AKO: Oo naman, Maam. Sabi nga, "Thoughts become things". Alam niyo yung documentary film na The Secret?
ULTRASOUND TECHNOLOGIST: Hindi, ano yun?
AKO: (Sa isip-isip ko, "Bakit hindi niya alam?").
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Kapag may nangyari sa ating masama, palagi nating sinisisi ang kapalaran. Kapag sinuwerte tayo, palagi nating pinupuri ang kapalaran. Kapag na-brokenheart tayo, palagi nating sinasabi, "Lintik na buhay 'yan! Ilang beses na akong nagmahal, pero hanggang ngayon, brokenhearted pa rin!" Kapag nakakarinig ako ng mga ganitong komento, napapailing na lang ako. Normal na sa ating mga tao ang manisi ng kung sino o kung ano para mapagtakpan ang ating mga sarili. Self-preservation, ika nga. Pero, nasabi mo na ba minsan nung naaksidente ka, nung nagkasakit ka nang malubha, nung nagkadabaon-baon ka sa utang, nung nabigo ka sa pag-ibig, nasabi mo na ba ang mga katagang, "LINTIK NA UTAK 'YAN! KUNG ANO-ANO KASING INIISIP!"
Nasa Computed Tomography (CT) scan room ako at nag-aayos ng mga gamit. Katatapos lang na mag-perform ng head CT scan, at alas-4 na. May patient pa kami for whole abdomen CT scan waiting outside. Just then, tinawag ako ng tech namin. May ipapagawa daw, kailangan ko daw lumabas. So, as an intern, I went outside, only to find out na may ipapakilalang babae, yung nurse na kasama ng next patient namin. Sabi ng tech ko, tinatanong daw yung pangalan ko. He knows the woman, and as usual, caught in surprise, I blushed. That's my ultimate weakness (and asset as well) - blushing. Kapag kinabahan ako, halatado na just by looking at my face. Kapag I'm overly excited, or get angry, or nervous, or ashamed, you got it - just look at my cheeks and you may guess what I am feeling.
As usual, hindi ako naniwala. Palagi namang ganun eh. Sasabihing may nagtatanong daw about sa'kin. Babae daw. And I will always ask, "'Di nga, Sir?" It all started when a girl patient who is an 8 in my rate, being 10 as the highest, looked at the name on the ID I am wearing. Nagre-release ako ng X-ray film ng pasyente, and the patient and the mother was infront of me, with a small, narrow cabinet in between me and the patient as well as the patient's mother.
Nakatayo tayo at magkayakap, magkalapit ang ating mga katawan. Nararamdaman ko ang pintig ng iyong puso, ang iyong malalim na paghinga, ang init na nagmumula sa pagdidikit ng ating mga katawan. Habang tumutugtog ang isang awitin, dahan-dahan nating iginagalaw ang ating mga paa, sa saliw ng mabagal na tugtog.
Give me love like her,
'Cause lately I've been waking up alone,
Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,
Told you I'd let them go,
And that I'll fight my corner,
Maybe tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.
Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, give me love,
To: scientist
From: scientist
****
SILENCE. RETROSPECTION.
Life is so fucked up. You're waiting for that somebody who'll zing with you though marami naman diyan sa paligid ang nagpaparamdam, waiting for your attention, umaasa na sana magkaroon sila ng puwang sa iyong puso.
You're just another normal human being who fell inlove and failed, to realize it was your own doing. Nagpakatali ka sa iyong past life na nagiging dahilan para pigilan mo ang sarili mong magmahal - dahil natatakot kang masaktan, dahil ayaw mo ng commitment, dahil hindi ka pa handa. Ang nakakatawa, even if you're used in doing things alone, you still feel incomplete. Kapag nakakakita ka ng mga lovers with their evidence of love, naiinggit ka.
