Nonsense Blog Entries: Talking to Oneself

To: scientist
From: scientist

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SILENCE. RETROSPECTION. 

Life is so fucked up. You're waiting for that somebody who'll zing with you though marami naman diyan sa paligid ang nagpaparamdam, waiting for your attention, umaasa na sana magkaroon sila ng puwang sa iyong puso. 

You're just another normal human being who fell inlove and failed, to realize it was your own doing. Nagpakatali ka sa iyong past life na nagiging dahilan para pigilan mo ang sarili mong magmahal - dahil natatakot kang masaktan, dahil ayaw mo ng commitment, dahil hindi ka pa handa. Ang nakakatawa, even if you're used in doing things alone, you still feel incomplete. Kapag nakakakita ka ng mga lovers with their evidence of love, naiinggit ka. 


You're incomplete, yet you never fail to meet girls/ladies/women who are heartbroken or who are going through tough times. Are birds of the same feathers flock together? You feel the urge of helping them cope up with their problems. Pinapasaya mo sila in your own little way. Yet, in the process of healing them, you feel complete, and you misinterpret LOVE from COMPASSION. How fucked is that? Hindi mo na ma-distinguish kung anong level na ng feelings ang meron ka, forgetting the meaning of "love" in the process.

Minsan, naiisip mong patulan mo na lang ang mga nagpaparamdam, pero masyado ka pa ring mabait and you always tell to yourself, "Ayoko ng one-sided relationship." But why not try sometimes? Malay mo you fall inlove in the process, at hindi na one-sided yung relationship. 

Iniwasan mo sila. Pero nang wala na kayong connection or contact, may pumalit pang iba, hindi ba? Ayaw mo pa kasing aminin sa sarili mo na malapit ka sa mga babae, lalo na ang mga babaeng may pinagdaraanan sa buhay. Why not think of this: Kapag tinulungan mo sila, mapapasaya mo sila. Ang iniisip mo kasi palagi yung sarili mong nararamdaman - yung sarili mong kawalan.

Give yourself time to think, to retrospect. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Life is not fucked up. You hold the cards that will lead to your happiness. 

Love,
Yourself


©scientist128

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